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Cow Tunga

Disclaimer: Why I need to do this is for the protection of the sensitive people out there. I love animals. I am starting to not want to eat the meat after seeing it in live form. But I can't help myself. It's so delicious.

Over the years I have had up close and personal incidents with cows. That left me thinking something either good or bad. This week’s submission is about sharing three different events concerning cows.

1. When I was a little boy back in the early sixties, my grandmother would give me a list of items to get from the corner grocer. Some of it was easy such as digging a pickle out of a barrel. Then it was it was off to the counter to get a slab of halvah. Easy, right?

Well, the traumatic part was getting a cow tongue. In my mind, I didn’t picture a cow. I was a city kid, I never saw a real one. All I saw were huge, thick grayish- purple, and hideous looking.blobs. The man in his white attire (shirt, blood-stained apron, and hat) would lift one of these things in his giant hands and put in a brown paper wrapping swiftly and taping it shut. I would bring it home for my grandmother. I was so lucky I didn't have to eat it.

2. In my thirties, I worked at a food distribution center where an entire village from Mexico was shipped in to take food from slots in the warehouse to fill a client's order. (I bet there were a few hundred illegal's working there) They worked so fast almost jogging down the long levels of packaged food. One poor guy actually had a part of a pallet that was broken go right through his arm. That was not good. Only a handful of these hardworking people spoke English.

Being a new guy at this company and an inventory person, my feet were killing me after walking what seemed like miles before lunch. A group of guys waved me over to sit with them for lunch. They were talking in Spanish, and I had no idea what they were saying.

One man smiled and offered me a taco. I love tacos and graciously accepted it. I took a few bites and it was pretty good. I finished it up, and they were all laughing at me. I made the motion of '"What's so funny?"

"Lingua, Lingua.", they answered. "Lingua?" I asked. The gracious gentleman from another country held out his tongue. "Moo, lingua", he said. I started to gag, and there was more laughter at the stupid American.  

3. The other day I was out taking pictures to sell of cows. My goal is to get as many different styles as I can and do a series.

I came across a small herd of about 20 head. They were a group of Holsteins. I trudged through the deep snow to get to the fence. I clicked off a few shots and they looked up. They started to walk toward me. Most cows are scared and run when I stop to take photos. 

Two of them walked up to the fence. I started to pet one on the head. Her big, soft nose with pinkish nostrils was huffing and snorting. I decided to do what some people do when approaching a strange dog. I put the back of my hand out to her nose.

There were a few sniffs...then the tongue came out. It was long and giant sized— just like the ones in the butcher's case but in a beautiful pinkish-gray color. It felt like 60 grit sanding paper. I thought she was happy tasting me. I was lucky they didn't drag me off and eat me as I do them.

She was amazing. Her eyes were deep and caring. Even though I enjoyed my moment with her, my hand was getting a bit tender being scraped clean. I had an idea, one that will make me rich: Exfoliation.

I see two additional ways to make a cow more purposeful besides food.

1. Cow Exfoliation Spa Treatment. A person would lie on a bed, and two cows would be brought in to exfoliate their body. Of course, the cow would have to be taught human anatomy to avoid areas very sensitive.

2. Cow Tunga Exfoliation in a Bottle© abluepelicanprodutions for those unfortunate cows that are butchered or naturally die would have their tongues saved.

Who knows? Option 1 just may be done considering how radical the younger generation is. Option 2 is also very realistic and in the works right now with local farmers.

In either case, the tongue of these beautiful animals will be not wind up in cat or dog food or in a meat case for a young child to have a mind-scarring event.


Written by David abluepelican Lasaine

Imaginative, reflective, try to be humorous and attempt to be deep in my writing to invoke feelings with topics other than politics. I also was a really awesome Massage Therapist.


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